Back on the mat

I got on the mat for the first time when Golden was three weeks old. Previous to this I had stretched a few times to relieve my tight upper back and hunched chest. But I didn't consider it yoga. I had begun to worry about my ability to do yoga because I had neglected my physical practise in the last two months of pregnancy. I logged on to yogajournal.com and found a great article about postpartum practise. It settled me down. I had been imposing expectations of myself that were very un-yoga-like. In her article "Yoga for New Moms, Learn to navigate your first year of motherhood," Yoko Yoshikawa reminds readers of the reality of new motherhood. Then she says:
Be kind to yourself; let yoga be a balm to muscles that long to stretch and lungs that yearn for a deep breath. Use yoga to stretch wide open and play. . .

Engage in a gentle practice of asanas with the intention of listening to and loving your body, and you will give yourself-mind, body, and spirit-much-needed time to rest and re-integrate.

However, carving out the time to do yoga isn't easy. If you had a practice before you became pregnant, you will probably expect more of yourself than is possible in these early months. Don't be too hard on yourself. Recognize that in the beginning, 20 minutes or half an hour—even 10 minutes—is enough."(www.yogajournal.com/parenting/883_1.cfm)

This was just what I needed to hear. It released me from the fear of failure of not being able to find time to practise and reminded me that a little is better than nothing. I was amazed how much a little time could do for me. I did legs up the wall for several minutes and rested and breathed. Little Big Brother stood over me and said, "Do you want me to jump on you?" I declined and told him that I was doing yoga. Then I did cat and dog stretch and downward dog. Little Big Brother said, "Oh, you are a ladder," and tried to climb up my legs (perhaps if I had not had bent knees he would have thought I was a slide.) I did my favourite three standing poses and then the baby began to complain and fuss and my meditation was ended.

I was surprised at how different I felt after perhaps only fifteen minutes devoted to yoga. I felt energized. I felt the joy of being inside my body. I became The Observer and for a few minutes I stood outside of the pain and discomfort that had been my companion for several weeks. Painful breasts, painful bottom, aching back. I reconnected with my inner self, the self that is not just "Mother" but Carmen. It renewed my committment to continue my practise in whatever way I could find, and however short.