This week all of the children have been sick. Coughs, runny noses, earache, plugged noses. And then the baby got thrush. Everyone has slept poorly (understatement?), especially the Little Prince. And then he got thrush. WE got thrush. His sore white tongue has its counterpart in my sore red nipples.
I have tried to be two people all week. Failing that, I just try to do two things at once. Carry the fussing baby and cook supper; carry the sleeping baby and sweep the floor; feed the baby and read stories to the Big Brother; feed the baby and sleep; Walk with the baby and think. Most of my thinking is about planning when I will sleep next or when I will get to the important things I must do. But reading Wherever You Go There You Are during feeding/burping sessions has been just the antidote.
I can't make the baby stop crying and get well again. And I can't make things happen by thinking hard about or wishing them to happen. Like Kabat-Zinn says, "If you did die all your responsibilities and obligations would immediately evaporate. Their residue would somehow get worked out without you." The world does keep going when everyone is sick at home. The laundry piles up but it is still there when the sickness passes.
Breastfeeding is a great chance to sit and "not do" for a few minutes. Last week I took a few minutes one evening to remember to just be. I breathed. I listened to baby's breathing. I smelled him. I stopped and just existed in the moment. It was wonderful. I must remember to do it several times today.
A few words about carrying baby. I have borrowed a Snugli front pack from a friend and I really like it for going for walks. I also have an "vintage" Over-the-Shoulder-Baby-Holder handed down from somewhere in the '80's. I revisited the instructions for carrying baby in a sling and that was really helpful. The sling is very versatile and, once you get the hang of it, a great way to carry baby around the house. The instructions are at babyholder.com/how2tie.htm.
I've had thrush with a baby a few times before. It is an oral form of Candida Albicans. And it is very painful. Baby doesn't want to eat because sucking hurts his tongue, but he is hungry and uncomfortable. Then he doesn't sleep. White patches appear on his tongue or inside of lips. Nipples start out itchy and painful and then let-down feels like broken glass in the breast. Since it was the weekend, I tried natural remedies: lemon juice on baby's tongue after each feed. A daily dose of acidophilus powder mixed with breastmilk for him; I applied aloe vera and olive oil laced with garlic oil on my nipples. This kept it from progressing rapidly but by Monday afternoon baby wasn't feeding well and I was ready for relief from the pain. Now he is on oral nystatin drops and I have some wonderful cream called Lamisil. I also asked the doctor for an oral dose of diflucan. I am boiling his pacifier daily and added a cup of vinegar to my laundry this morning. Baby slept better last night and is eating much better today. www.kellymom.com has wonderful resources about breastfeeding and "more than you ever wanted to know about thrush."
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Then and Now
Life sometimes takes interesting turns. Change seems to come in clusters. I don't know about the lucky three but the spring of 2006 went this way:
I got pregnant in May. The Partner and I had planned on having another child but I didn't want to get pregnant until at least August, after the teacher training. I doubted my ability to do an "Intensive" anything when pregnant let alone yoga for seven hours a day. But then again, I would still be in my first trimester and not limited in the postures, at least. Up until the week before I contemplated withdrawing my registration. Without The Partner's encouragement I undoubtedly would have. I worried excessively about leaving him with the children and leaving the children. The plan was that the first and third weeks they would stay home with him and I would return for the weekend. The second and fourth weeks I would take them to Calgary with me, and my mother and sister-in-law would watch them during the day. But he reasurred me that all would be well and that everyone could handle it.
The second Big Change was that the last day of May was The Partner's last day as an articling student at his law firm. And his last day at the firm. He thanked them very much for the education and walked away to hang out his own shingle, choosing uncertainty, risk, and independence over safety and a guaranteed income. He has spent the last 9 months building his own practise as Leading Partner in his own law firm, with another lawyer as co-partner.
As if that wasn't enough change for one summer, In June, we also bought a new house and got our house ready for sale. The closing date? August 15th.
Whew!
I got pregnant in May. The Partner and I had planned on having another child but I didn't want to get pregnant until at least August, after the teacher training. I doubted my ability to do an "Intensive" anything when pregnant let alone yoga for seven hours a day. But then again, I would still be in my first trimester and not limited in the postures, at least. Up until the week before I contemplated withdrawing my registration. Without The Partner's encouragement I undoubtedly would have. I worried excessively about leaving him with the children and leaving the children. The plan was that the first and third weeks they would stay home with him and I would return for the weekend. The second and fourth weeks I would take them to Calgary with me, and my mother and sister-in-law would watch them during the day. But he reasurred me that all would be well and that everyone could handle it.
The second Big Change was that the last day of May was The Partner's last day as an articling student at his law firm. And his last day at the firm. He thanked them very much for the education and walked away to hang out his own shingle, choosing uncertainty, risk, and independence over safety and a guaranteed income. He has spent the last 9 months building his own practise as Leading Partner in his own law firm, with another lawyer as co-partner.
As if that wasn't enough change for one summer, In June, we also bought a new house and got our house ready for sale. The closing date? August 15th.
Whew!
How it all began
Last spring at about this time I was doing yoga a few mornings a week with Rodney Yee, Ali McGraw and Patricia Walden . . . Well, my well-worn favourite yoga videos. Instead of keeping my attention focussed on my present pose, I was daydreaming about becoming a yoga instructor. Out of the blue, The Partner said one evening that he had been thinking about the Summer Intensive Yoga Teacher training course, offered at Yoga Passage in July. I was shocked. Had he read my mind? I took it as a sign. We talked for two months about how to afford it and make it possible. Should I do it? Couldn't we both do it together? How could we?
I got a great idea of how to earn part of the money. Most of my great ideas go through a short cycle: inspiration--talk--fizzle. I wanted to change that so I sent a pitch to the CBC radio program Outfront to do the story of me taking the course. They sent me a polite reply that "Our producers feel that this piece is missing the kind of 'unique perspective' that we are looking for." By then I had convinced myself that I had to become a yoga teacher. I had to follow through on the teacher training no matter the personal and financial costs. Here is the pitch:
I got a great idea of how to earn part of the money. Most of my great ideas go through a short cycle: inspiration--talk--fizzle. I wanted to change that so I sent a pitch to the CBC radio program Outfront to do the story of me taking the course. They sent me a polite reply that "Our producers feel that this piece is missing the kind of 'unique perspective' that we are looking for." By then I had convinced myself that I had to become a yoga teacher. I had to follow through on the teacher training no matter the personal and financial costs. Here is the pitch:
Yoga Mama
My name is Carmen Letourneau and I live in a small Southern Alberta town. I spend my days home schooling my two daughters and caring for my toddler son. I teach piano three afternoons a week and try to find time to run, write for the local paper, and do yoga. My life is safe and fulfilling, although sometimes I feel harried and tired. I am in great demand as a piano teacher and I am good at it, having been a piano teacher for more than half my life. Teaching is as natural for me as smiling or talking.
I have had many dreams of greatness that have fallen by the wayside. Once I was a dancer. Once I wanted to be a great pianist. Now I struggle to find time at the piano when my eighteen-month old son isn’t crawling on me, or when the dishes piled in the sink don’t distract me from such selfish pursuits.
My greatest moments these days are when I can spend a few minutes doing yoga in the morning, centering my mind and stretching out my tight . . .well, everything.
I need yoga like I need to breathe or drink water. I need it to fight a sore back and a tendency to worry and over-analyze. I need it to calm me and energize me.
I discovered yoga ten years ago in a Modern Dance class at university. I could barely touch my toes. My body was sore and stiff from hours of piano practise—years of piano practise. Yoga was the antidote and the cure.
Because of my remoteness (and before that my poverty), I mostly practise yoga alone. Sometimes I can convince my law-student husband to return to his neglected body and practise beside me. The sound of both of us breathing together is harmonious and helps us remember the goodness of life. There is calm energy and joy in an awareness of the present. I have also known the power of a good teacher and a regular class. I know that with another person I practise more consistently and more intensely. I don’t push myself too far, but I find that my limits expand when I am in a class situation with a good teacher. For many years I have wanted to be that inspiring teacher and to share the power of yoga with others.
Finally the time seems right. I am trying to lay aside the doubts about my abilities, the worries about how I will afford it, and whether leaving the children with my mother will kill her. In July 2006 I will be a participant in the Summer Intensive Teacher Training program at Yoga Passage in Calgary. I will meditate and practise and learn about the human body, forty hours a week for four weeks. I want to do it passionately. I want to leave with an International Yoga Teacher certificate in my shoulder bag. But more than that, I want to see what will happen to my body and my mind as I practise yoga more intensely than I have ever done before. I think I will never be the same again.
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